“Never be afrai…

“Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.”-Rae Smith

On the subject of goals: sometimes they are fleeting, little bumblee sized ideas that will eventually fly to another flower. Others are like tootsie pops (bear with me). You’ve got to put a lot of work into it, right? Sometimes that work is really fulfilling, but as always, too much of a good thing turns into a bad thing, and after awhile, you get impatient and unsatisfied with that work. Sometimes you break. Sometimes, you get to the center of the tootsie pop without breaking, and the result is worth the wait. You with me? What I’m getting at here is that goals come in all shapes and sizes. And unfortunately, as has been the case in my life lately, sometimes they just aren’t there.

I’ve been grasping at straws trying to keep myself motivated the past few weeks. Day after day I drag myself to classes only to miss half of the information because I’m distracted. I lost my job because I wasn’t emotionally present and the results of that absence snowballed. My roommate expresses concern because I don’t respond to our usually fun writing posts regularly. I’m constantly fatigued and generally do not enjoy anything I am doing. Point blank? I’ve been depressed. I used to know how to combat it. I was diagnosed in eighth grade, and have been on medication ever since. But, thanks to the medication contributing to me feeling worse, and counseling only working on a surface level, I’ve been prone to breakdowns.

Yesterday I was lucky to find the above quote. It resonated with me. It reminded me that sometimes, things have to get bad so you can figure out what is making you unhappy, what you can change. Dark before the dawn, you know? College is hard, especially when you’re an upperclassman. So, I’m reaching out to all of my fellow students, hell, all of my fellow humans who have been struggling with depression, motivation, and lack of goals. I just want you to know: We will get through this. We are strong and resilient, and if we keep pushing through the tunnel we’ll see the light. You will find something some day that sparks your imagination. It will ignite your passions, and you will get back on track. Please don’t be afraid to ask for help, but more importantly, please don’t ever forget that you are wonderful, and you are worth it. You are enough.

Well then.

It’s funny how things work out. I got back on Saturday from doing Orientation at my school, Emmanuel College, and was leaving on a bit of a high. I was so thrilled to have had the experience and help the amazing class of 2017 get ready for Emmanuel. I noticed a stomach ache earlier in the day, but waved it off. Later on in the evening, I got very sick, and the pain centered in on my lower right abdomen. I couldn’t remember off the top of my head where the appendix was located, so I looked it up and yep, it was the lower right corner.

My mom brought me to the ER and I went through some firsts (a CAT scan, which freaked me out, and my first ever surgery!) and now I’m back home and healing. So, long story short, I had to get my appendix out, and all I can think of is how grateful I am that it happened when I was at home. Having this scare at school would have been much worse because my family would not be there, and it would have majorly cut into Orientation. I’m not really sure if there was a point to this post outside of feeling grateful that it was at home, actually. Oh well! I’ll make a post about Orientation soon, as well. : )

“You learn how …

“You learn how to be a gracious winner and an outstanding loser.” –Joe Namath

I came across this quote today and it stuck out to me, particularly because of some recent changes in my life. I was promoted to a supervisor position at the summer job I’ve held since I was fifteen, and it was like a green light in terrible traffic. Since I have been home, I’ve spent wonderful time with my family and friends, but I have not indulged in the usual hobbies I love, such as Tae Kwon Do, reading, beading, and writing. I was in a rut where my days consisted of Netflix and Candy Crush Saga. In the few days since I found out, I have had more motivation than I had the entire month of May. It was so refreshing to feel like I had a purpose, like I wanted to do something with myself. And so for that, I am so, so grateful. Yet, I must remain humble, for that would not be true to myself to be overindulgent about the position, nor would it be good to do at all. Overall, I think this is a great quote for the day, and really, for my entire semester. It is important for all of us to remember to be gracious, humble, and understanding. What quotes have you found recently that have struck a chord?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T (I don’t care if you have none for me)

Recently I found out that somebody I considered a friend (for the purposes of this I will call them Spencer) spoke ill of me behind my back. Spencer said that he/she did not respect me, and also made very crude sexual comments about some friends–to a mutual friend of all of ours. I’m not sure why this person thought their comments would not make it back to me (on a side note, facts were checked), but if they knew it and still chose the route of my friend, then I am even more frustrated. I went through a variety of emotions processing this comment. I was angry, sad, and even indifferent. I didn’t understand, after everything we had confided in each other, and done with one another, why this person would have no respect for me? I respected them. I show everyone respect, and if by some small chance I didn’t respect somebody, I would not pretend to be their friend. And yet, I still tried to justify this person’s actions. This person is continuing to say how important I am to them, but I don’t trust them anymore. I am communicating with them for professional purposes, and I always end up forgiving, somehow. But I never forget. I respect myself more than that. I deserve better. And if this has happened to you, so do you. So, as I move on into this new mindset, here are some reminders for you and me:

  • You don’t need anyone’s respect to be a whole person.
  • Your love and respect for yourself is more important than trying to get someone to respect you, or figure out what “you did” to make them disrespect you.
  • There are so many people out there who love you–don’t let the person who doesn’t see how amazing you are get to you.

These are easier said than done, I know. I struggle all of the time with these. But you know what? The more we practice self-love, the easier it is to deal with events like these. Do you have any tips for self-love and self-respect?

Springtime Catch-up

Hello! It’s been quite a while since my last post. I will do more in depth ones as time allows, but for now, let’s do some catching up! At the end of March I acted in Mrs. Packard (it will get its own post) and started heavier work on Monty Python’s Spamalot, which will be continuing into this weekend after a great opening! It is also lovely to have free time to work on homework without feeling rushed, it truly is. And on top of that, Boston is beautiful out right now, and it is really hard to not go on a nice long walk! With that, I’ll leave you, but how is the weather where you are at? What have you been doing with your Springtime thus far? : )

Managing–Somehow!

Howdy! Long time, no see!

Things have been rather hectic since my last post, which I’m pretty sure was about horoscopes. I am involved with three different plays this semester, which is crazy considering that I also am managing singing lessons, Orientation Leader Training, five regular classes, desk work, and personal time.We just finished up Ducks and Lovers, Murray Schisgal’s comedy from the 1940s. Next up, Emily Mann’s Mrs. Packard and Eric Idle’s Monty Python’s Spamalot. Wow. Just writing that is intimidating to be honest. But you know what? Everything is completely worth it. It’s just a matter of managing my time!  Here are some tips for managing your busy college schedule!

Number 5: Write down anything and everything that is of any importance. Do you have a meeting at 2 tomorrow? Write it down! Do you have a coffee date? Put an alarm in your phone!  Even things that may seem easy to remember, like a password for a website? Put it on a sticky note.

Numero quattro: Prioritize! This is probably one you hear all of the time, and if you are anything like me, you still struggle with it at times. Something that helps me is utilizing a planner or calendar! If you know precisely what you need to get done, putting them in order of importance is so, so much easier when you’re finding yourself in a last-minute crunch! Speaking of that…

Nummer drei: Plan ahead! Planning ahead is much easier said than done, but if you can take an hour or so early in the semester to put your syllabi in your planner/calendar/whatever you use, as well as any important work/show dates you know of early in the semester, it will make all the difference later!

Numero deux: Be flexible! No amount of planning ahead will save you from the inevitable change of plans. It’s just normal for something to come up, for a teacher to change the syllabus, for a person to cancel a meeting, etc. Again, this is also much easier said than done. Some people are spontaneous, some people are completely by their schedule! Those are both fine, as is being in between! Maybe a cancellation will give you free time to get stuff done ahead of time? An addition is harder to deal with sometimes, but prioritizing and communicating with the source of the change can help!

Numero uno: Treat yo’ self. With a busy schedule, personal time may seem like the first thing to cut out of your schedule. Alas, you can’t forget to take care of yourself! Between all of the things you have to do, don’t forget to do something for YOU! Whether it be grabbing a cupcake, taking a nap, or watching a movie with friends–make YOU time. You are worth it, and you deserve as much love as the things you are working on!

There you have it! Some tips from me to you–they are by no means exhaustive, and they may not work for everyone, but if you choose to follow them, I hope they work for you! Do you have any other tips? How do you manage your time and stress in college?

Taking Stock in the Cosmos

I’m sure everyone has checked out their horoscope before. Whether it be out of sheer curiosity or because they read deeply into them, people seem to be naturally curious about the way their horoscopes might relate to their life. That being said, it seems that the majority of people don’t pay a lot of attention to online or newspaper horoscopes (though we all know a lot of us look at them and don’t tell anyone).

Lately I’ve been reading my horoscope, as I always do, but have been a little more hopeful than usual. Particular aspects of my life have been changing recently, and I will admit I have been jumping on the “reads way too much into her horoscope” bandwagon. I think it has made me more hopeful than I can afford to be, and I know I need to not take so much stock in it. Funny enough though, my other friends that are the same sign are experiencing some of the events in the horoscope. So, it leaves me a little bit confused, you know?

I’m sure I will work it out eventually, and take back the hold on my life and not base it so much on horoscope.com. So, my question for you folks is this: do you read your horoscopes? Do you believe they ring true?