“Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.”-Rae Smith
On the subject of goals: sometimes they are fleeting, little bumblee sized ideas that will eventually fly to another flower. Others are like tootsie pops (bear with me). You’ve got to put a lot of work into it, right? Sometimes that work is really fulfilling, but as always, too much of a good thing turns into a bad thing, and after awhile, you get impatient and unsatisfied with that work. Sometimes you break. Sometimes, you get to the center of the tootsie pop without breaking, and the result is worth the wait. You with me? What I’m getting at here is that goals come in all shapes and sizes. And unfortunately, as has been the case in my life lately, sometimes they just aren’t there.
I’ve been grasping at straws trying to keep myself motivated the past few weeks. Day after day I drag myself to classes only to miss half of the information because I’m distracted. I lost my job because I wasn’t emotionally present and the results of that absence snowballed. My roommate expresses concern because I don’t respond to our usually fun writing posts regularly. I’m constantly fatigued and generally do not enjoy anything I am doing. Point blank? I’ve been depressed. I used to know how to combat it. I was diagnosed in eighth grade, and have been on medication ever since. But, thanks to the medication contributing to me feeling worse, and counseling only working on a surface level, I’ve been prone to breakdowns.
Yesterday I was lucky to find the above quote. It resonated with me. It reminded me that sometimes, things have to get bad so you can figure out what is making you unhappy, what you can change. Dark before the dawn, you know? College is hard, especially when you’re an upperclassman. So, I’m reaching out to all of my fellow students, hell, all of my fellow humans who have been struggling with depression, motivation, and lack of goals. I just want you to know: We will get through this. We are strong and resilient, and if we keep pushing through the tunnel we’ll see the light. You will find something some day that sparks your imagination. It will ignite your passions, and you will get back on track. Please don’t be afraid to ask for help, but more importantly, please don’t ever forget that you are wonderful, and you are worth it. You are enough.