Recently I found out that somebody I considered a friend (for the purposes of this I will call them Spencer) spoke ill of me behind my back. Spencer said that he/she did not respect me, and also made very crude sexual comments about some friends–to a mutual friend of all of ours. I’m not sure why this person thought their comments would not make it back to me (on a side note, facts were checked), but if they knew it and still chose the route of my friend, then I am even more frustrated. I went through a variety of emotions processing this comment. I was angry, sad, and even indifferent. I didn’t understand, after everything we had confided in each other, and done with one another, why this person would have no respect for me? I respected them. I show everyone respect, and if by some small chance I didn’t respect somebody, I would not pretend to be their friend. And yet, I still tried to justify this person’s actions. This person is continuing to say how important I am to them, but I don’t trust them anymore. I am communicating with them for professional purposes, and I always end up forgiving, somehow. But I never forget. I respect myself more than that. I deserve better. And if this has happened to you, so do you. So, as I move on into this new mindset, here are some reminders for you and me:
- You don’t need anyone’s respect to be a whole person.
- Your love and respect for yourself is more important than trying to get someone to respect you, or figure out what “you did” to make them disrespect you.
- There are so many people out there who love you–don’t let the person who doesn’t see how amazing you are get to you.
These are easier said than done, I know. I struggle all of the time with these. But you know what? The more we practice self-love, the easier it is to deal with events like these. Do you have any tips for self-love and self-respect?